Hillary Swank went on vacation at Donatella Versace’s house. Candace Bushnell’s Sirius radio show launches today. Cheeta, Tarzan’s retired, now-74-year-old chimp sidekick, wouldn’t sit for an interview, drank Diet Coke instead. Melinda Gates and Warren Buffett went to a Titanic exhibit in San Francisco. Neither Robin Williams nor Jon Stewart is running for president. Barbra Streisand didn’t like her suite at the Carlyle. Quentin Tarantino has a new girlfriend, who sucked his fingers. Ellen Barkin didn’t want to work when she was married. Christie Brinkley makes wake-up calls at Hyatt hotels.

General Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs, went to see Hairspray. Diane Sawyer skipped a GMA party, either because she was sick or because she’s leaving the show. Stalkers, Anchors, and a Show Tune–Lovin’ General Stalkers are threatening Audioslave front man Chris Cornell’s children, prompting him to install a high-end security system. Man-Bangs! Hey, waitĮarlier: Chace Crawford Sips Merlot, Is Reluctant to Meet Kate Hudson Let’s all get behind Nate’s heterosexuality, huh? Govani even has a new nickname for Nate: Mr. He says that he’s given masculine dudes everywhere the confidence to get new, more fashion-forward dos. Govani agrees with us, declaring in the National Post story that Crawford is the icon of the latest male-bangs movement. Unlike Zac Efron’s well-conditioned, floppy version, Nate’s bangs have a dried-out, Aquanetted look that surely doesn’t require obnoxious, ponylike head flicks to handle. In fact, one of the things we love about you is your wispy haircut. “I love Canada.” Naa aaate, don’t change who you are because of the pressures of the media! We love you just the way you are, you shrimp-and-avocado-salad eater, you. “This is a great beer,” he told reporter Shinan Govani, who dutifully OMG-ed.

Chace Crawford: Founder of the Forelock Movement? Remember when we wondered aloud whether the Times was trying to imply that there is something less than masculine about Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford Nate Archibald? Well, apparently he heard us, because when he went out on the town to do a similar article with Canada’s National Post, he was careful to choose a bottle of Steam Whistle, a local brew.

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